Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
