It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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