Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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