Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
