i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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