Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
