okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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