Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
