You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
