i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
