I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love having hate sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
