I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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