I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
