I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
