You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
