dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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