Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
