cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
