Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its about making memories worth repressing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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