In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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