i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
