She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think people are normalizing furries
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
