I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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