there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
