Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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