If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
