The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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