I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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