idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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