my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
