I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I intend to get homeless drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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