I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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