Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize