my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
