just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
