dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
