pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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