He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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