I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
