He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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