You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
