why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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