Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
