so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
