but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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