I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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