Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
