I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
