Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
