that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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