So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
