She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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