I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
