I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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