I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
