I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
