I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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