I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Floor bacon is actually really good
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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