I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
