I think im going to throw up on grandma
There was a lot of him and a little penis
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
