I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
