I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
