The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
