i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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