Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
