Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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