I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
