Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize